I am an asshole....

[Chef Greg]

...and besides that, I was watching Comedy Central for a few moments & this comedy-duo was doing a song called "I am an Asshole" that was great! One guy was singing & smoking a cigarette while the other was playing an electric 12-string & singing back-vocals.

I had to change the channel because my kids came back into the kitchen.

Anyone know who that was performing?

 

[1959burst]

dennis leary is the artist who recorded that song.

 

[1959burst]

lyrics

I'm An Asshole

Folks
I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me,
About you,
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests,
About that special feelting we get in the cockles of our hearts
Or maybe below the cockles,
Maybe in the sub cockle area,
Maybe in the liver,
Maybe in the kidneys,
Maybe even in the colon,
We don't know

I'm just a regular joe,
With a regular job.
I'm your average white,
Suburbanite slob.
I like football, and porno, and books about war.
I've got an average house,
With a nice hardwood floor.
My wife, and my job, my kids, and my car,
My feet on the table,
With a Cuban cigar.
But sometimes that just ain't enough,
To keep a man like me interested,
Oh no, no way, uh uhh.
No I gotta go out and have fun,
At someone elses expense,
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah,

I drive really slow,
In the ultra fast lane,
while people, behind me, are going insane.

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets,
And I piss on the seats,
I walk around in the summer time,
Sayin' "How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in handicaped spaces,
While handicaped People, make handicaped faces,

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's a big fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldnt be singing this song,
Ranting and raving and carring on,
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong.
NAAAHHHHH

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadaliac Eldarado Convertable,
Hot Pink!
With whale skin hub caps,
An all leather cow interior,
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights.
YEAH!
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby,
At 115 miles per hour,
Getting one mile per gallon,
Sucking down quarter pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fasioned non-biodegradable styrafoam containers.
And when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers,
I'm gonna wipe my mouth in the American flag,
And then I'm gonna toss the styrafoam containers right out the side,
And there ain't a God damn thing anybody can do about it,
You know why?
'Cause we got the bombs, that's why.
Two words, Nuclear Fucking Weapons OK.
Russia, Germany, Romania,
They can have all the democracy they want.
They can have a big democracy cake,
Walk right through the middle of Tienemen Square,
And it won't make a lick of difference,
Because we got the bombs OK!
John Wayne's not dead,
He's frozen.
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer, we're gonna thaw out the duke.
And he's gonna be pretty pissed off,
You know why?
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well multiply that by 15 million times,
That's how pissed off the duke's gonna be.
I'm gonna get the duke,
And John Desimeties,
And Lee Marvinhaugh
And Sam Beckinforth,
And a case of whiskey,
And drive down to Texas,
And,
(hey, Hey, You know you really are an asshole)
Why don't you shut up and sing the song pal,
You know the whole time I thought I was that asshole,
And it turns out it was him,
What an Asshole

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

A, SS, HO, LE
Everybody,
A, SS, HO, LE

I'm an asshole, and I'm Proud of it!

 

[Chef Greg]

thanks...I really got a kick out of that song & performance!

 

[Cogswell]

Who is that guy that sounds like Dennis Leary but is not & does spoken word? He tells weird stoies about: getting robbed, his wacked out childhood friend that tortured frogs, suicide... all spoken over some really cool rhythms. Anyone know who I'm talking about?

 

[PatentAppliedFor]

While I do dig Leiny's, I liked your last avatar better Greg =)

 

[Lily]

Thanks for sharing. That is hilarious! :lolspin

 

[Chef Greg]

While I do dig Leiny's, I liked your last avatar better Greg =)

While I don't mind to admit that I'm a bit of a perv...I hate to be a sexistspin

(she did have a nice waterfall.eh?)

 

[1959burst]

A BETTER MORE ACCURATE VERSION!

Artist: Denis Leary

Buy Denis Leary's CD

Asshole - Denis Leary

(Spoken)
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream.
About me, about you, about the way our American hearts beat way down
in the bottom of our chests. About that special feeling we get in the
cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle
area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the
colon, we don't know.

(Sung)
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
I like football and porno and books about war.
I got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.

My wife and my job, my kids and my car.
My feet on my table...and a cuban cigar.

But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
no way
No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane.

I'm an asshole
I'm an asshole

I use public toilets and I piss on the seat,
I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole
I'm an asshole

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces.

I'm an asshole
I'm an asshole

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...

NAAAAH!

I'm an asshole
I'm an asshole

(Spoken)
Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado
Convertible, hot pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow
interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm
gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour, getting 1 mile
per gallon, suckin' down quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's
in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when
I'm done suckin' down those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth
on the American Flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers
right out the side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can
do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why Two
words: Nuclear fuckin' weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania, they
can have all the democracy they want...they can have a big democracy
cakewalk right through the middle of Tienamen Square and it won't make
a lick of difference, because we got the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not
dead, he's frozen! And as soon as we find a cure for cancer, we're
gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know
why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15
million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be.
I'm gonna get the Duke and John Casavetti and Lee Marvin

and Sam Peckinpaw

and a case of whisky

and drive to Texas...(HEY, HEY HEY!>



Why don't you shut up and sing the song, pal?

(Sung)
I'm an asshole
I'm an asshole
A S-S H-O L-E
Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E
Arf, Arf Arf, Arf Arf, Arf Arf
Thoomph A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom
Oooooooo

(Spoken)
I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it